


A Bad Idea and a Selfish Wish

by bertererei



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/F, Foul Language, Found Family, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-07
Updated: 2019-07-07
Packaged: 2020-06-24 06:39:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19718251
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bertererei/pseuds/bertererei
Summary: Prompt: AU where Eren and Ymir know about each others (and their own) powers.----This is a bad idea. It’s a horrible, terrible idea. Later, much later, she’ll still say that this was a horrible, terrible, no good, very bad idea.But she says it anyways.“Why don’t we look for the three Warriors?”





	A Bad Idea and a Selfish Wish

**Author's Note:**

> This is a prompt from Galli-kun about how things would've been different if Eren and Ymir knew about each other and their Titan powers. Thanks for the fun prompt~ That said, I'll have to take a break from prompts to get some other things done now. ^^'''' 
> 
> For once, this story shouldn’t reveal anything past what the anime has covered (except for like 1 name and the end note. If you don't want any manga spoilers, please don't look at the end note). If you have not seen season 3, I highly recommend not reading this until you do. 
> 
> There's also nothing brutal or violent at all! There is a bit of foul language sprinkled generously in. But otherwise, it's a very happy, fluffy story of cute kids being cute... 
> 
> Shhhh, don't look at the end.

Infinity stretches on all around her, showering her with a beauty that she has never seen before. 

No, not just beauty. But a sense of understanding. A content kind of feeling that makes her feel like maybe this is what everything has always been leading up to. Like all the bad in the world evens out. Because don’t you know what awaits you at the end?

A sense of belonging. 

The sixty years of nightmare seems to pale in comparison to this feeling. The betrayals from before, the dissatisfaction from the way she lived, the desperate longing for something that isn’t this. Because there has to be more to the world than the shitty life in Marley.

Turns out, she was right.

There is more to the world.

A breathless laughter leaves her mouth. That’s right. There’s more to this world! There’s so much to this world that she has never been able to experience before.

And it’s just waiting for her to discover them all!

Later, much later, she’ll point to this moment in her life as possibly the last time she was ever that foolishly naive.

*

Sneaking inside of the Walls is laughably easy thanks to the giant holes. Ymir has no idea what happened here, but she supposes that’s just part of the luck that comes with being human again. Then again, calling it her luck when everyone around her seem to be in a mild state of panic and despair is probably not very “humane” of her. 

The only thing is that she really doesn’t care. 

Whether these people die or live is none of her business. The stink of desperation that seems to be rooted deeply in all of them is something she is apathetic towards.

Why should she care?

No one looked twice at the little girl claiming to be a goddess when she was called a heretic and turned into a Pure Titan. No one lent a hand after worshiping her for so long. A “goddess” when it’s convenient for them. A “witch” any other times. And whether she’s inside the Walls or outside of it, people don’t change.

Ymir steals a cape to wrap herself in. She later steals more clothes and food, too. 

She makes a point of ignoring the crying people, begging for help. That’s not her job anymore. She no longer has a church that’s backing her, keeping her fed and comfortable. She no longer has any wish to be worshiped. 

She no longer wishes to be a “good girl.”

Living selfishly for her own sake. 

That’s something that she’s never had before. She’s not sure if she knows what those words mean exactly, but she’s excited to give it a try. 

Live.

Put herself first.

And in yet another godless world, she survives.

*

The flash of light she sees in the mountain is something she recognizes implicitly. 

A Titan transformation.

At first, she ignores it. It’s not her business. Who cares if there’s a Titan in the mountain? Let the Military Police or the Garrison or whoever gets there first deal with that headache. 

But in the next few seconds, she gets to thinking.

For someone inside of these Walls to transform into a Titan like that means they have been injected with the serum from Marley. Or it’s one of the Titan Shifters she ran into before she was able to become human again. Either way, this person is most likely someone like her. 

Someone like her…

It’s not until this moment that she realizes just how lonely she’s been. 

And she said she’ll put herself first, right? It’s not that she’s concerned about what happened. She’s genuinely curious to know if she’ll find a comrade. 

That’s a selfish motive.

So she rushes to the mountain.

*

There’s a kid who might be a little younger than her, holding a pair of glasses in his hands. He’s crying, but Ymir still sees it.

The marks around his eyes that are the leftovers from shifting. 

Finally. Finally!

Someone just like her. Someone she can call her comrade. Someone who can share their short 13 years with her. 

She doesn’t have to be alone!

“Yo. You look mighty confused,” Ymir greets as she walks up to the boy. “I’m Ymir. From today on, you are my comrade.”

The boy wipes his eyes and looks at her confused. “I-I’m Eren,” he says.

Ymir offers him her hand to help him up. He accepts without further questions.

“C’mon, let’s get out of here.”

“W-wait. Have you seen my dad? T-this is his glasses but-”

If Eren’s dad was here before the transformation and is no longer here, leaving just his glasses behind, then it’s clear to Ymir what happened.

“You probably ate him.”

“E-excuse me…?”

“He was someone who can turn into a Titan. He probably ran out of his 13 years or whatever and gave it to you. The easiest way of doing so being, of course, is to let you eat him. You’re probably feeling a little confused and disoriented. I know I was when I got my human body back.”

“N-no, no, no. Wait. S-stop. What are you talking about? Turn into a Titan? 13 years? Eat? I… I don’t understand anything you’re saying!”

Despite saying those words, the boy grips his head as if he’s about to remember something. Some kind of a resistance, huh? Ymir supposes she could understand. Majority of the memories from the Titan Shifter she ate are inaccessible for her, too. But he needs to know the basics, because she has no plans on teaching a baby bird how to fly. It’s much easier to push the bird off after it learned how to fly, you know?

She grabs him by the shoulders. “Listen very well. Right now, your mind is putting up a block from remembering what happened. I imagine because the trauma of eating your dad or whatever. But if you don’t remember everything that happened, you’ll just end up becoming a liability. You get it, right? So even if it hurts, remember!”

Eren shakes his head, trying to pull away from her grasp. But she doesn’t let him run.

“I said remember!” Ymir snaps.

That must have been too much, though. Because Eren crumples to the ground, unconscious.

“You’re a boy. The hell are you so delicate for?” Ymir grumbles. 

She rubs the back of her neck with annoyance. She probably can’t stay here, huh? For now, she’ll have to drag him elsewhere. 

This ‘comrade’ thing is already a pain.

If you were to ask her later, much later, what she regretted the most in her life, she would recall the weight of that small boy’s body against the weight of her loneliness. And after a bit of hesitation, she would change the topic.

*

When Eren next wakes, they’re by a small stream in the mountains. Ymir had to crush her pinky with a rock to transform and carry him all the way here, so he better as hell be thankful. Granted, the pinky has long healed, but she’s still feeling a bit bitter about the pain. 

It’s started to get light out. So the morning sun will rise soon.

If he expects breakfast from her, he has another thing coming, though. How the hell is she supposed to feed him when she hasn’t eaten herself? 

From the depressed expression on his face, she figures he remembers something. 

“Yo, slept well?”

The two talk about all that they remember. About the world outside. About life within these Walls. About the Warriors. About the Survey Corps. About anything and everything they have questions on. Some, they can’t answer fully. But for the most part, they figure out the basic gist of what has happened in the last few days.

It’s almost as if their lives were meant to be interwoven. 

That when Ymir woke up, she was meant to find Eren. That when Eren became a Titan Shifter, he was meant to be found by her.

That they are fated to be comrades.

Will believing such a thing make her a romantic fool?

“So what’s your plan?” he asks.

It honestly makes her pause to stare at him blankly. Plan? Huh? 

“You have no plan,” he sighs, daring to look disappointed. 

“What? You have a plan, then?”

He actually looks pretty mature when he has a thinking face on. He leans back, crossing his arms in front of him. Then he must have come to a decision, because he turns to Ymir with a serious look on his face.

“There’s just one thing to do. I’ll turn myself over to the military.”

“What? No. No! That’s dumb. Why… Why the hell would you think that’s a good plan?”

Eren frowns. “What are you talking about? It’s a great plan! We’ll be able to regain Shiganshina, so the current crisis among the people will quell.”

“And then what? You give up your right to be human when you side with something as fishy as the military. They’ll torture you in the name of science and ‘improvement of humanity.’ And since you can’t die until your 13 years are up, you’ll keep suffering and praying for the end. Most likely, they’ll be too terrified of you and your power to let you go over that Wall to plug up the holes anyway.”

This dumbass doesn’t seem to believe Ymir’s words. So she decides to go a step further in her analysis.

“Alright, fine. Let’s say for argument’s sake that they do let you over the Wall. There’s god knows how many Pure Titans on that side, and one of you. Even if they send you out with a bunch of their soldiers as protection, there’s only so much those little humans would be able to do in the face of that many Pure Titans. Do you get it? You’ll end up as someone’s ticket to become a Titan Shifter while all those soldiers would have thrown their lives away for nothing.”

Eren’s lips pull into a firm scowl. This guy clearly doesn’t get it! Ugh! Is he stupid? Or is he one of those bleeding hearts that Ymir has heard of in stories? How nicely this guy must have lived thus far in order to have such a rosy view on the world!

“So what?”

Ymir just barely holds back the urge to strangle him.

“I’m saying that your plan is completely stupid! There’s no way for it to work out and all you do is risk other people’s lives. If your plan is to die, then go alone. Don’t drag innocent people into it.”

Eren’s expression falls, making him look so terribly young. That’s right. Unlike Ymir, this guy didn’t have the long years spent as a Pure Titan. He is as young as he actually looks, even if he now has his dad’s memories on top of his relatively short life experiences.

“Then what am I supposed to do? What’s the point of having power if I can’t do anything to help anyone? Why am I always so utterly powerless?”

Looking at those teary eyes so filled with anguish, she’s reminded of herself. So desperate to be the “goddess” they claimed her as that she lit herself on fire to keep her followers warm.

And look at what good it did.

“Why do you want to reclaim those Walls?” Ymir asks him.

“Because that’s my home on the other side of it. Because my mom’s murderer is on the other side. Because humanity can’t advance if we’re just caged inside of these Walls!”

Boring.

His answers are just so damned boring and conventional. That’s it? That’s all there is to it? Some boring old spiel about his home and his mom? And when he couldn’t appeal to her emotions, he goes for a philosophical push? How seriously disappointing.

But he is the one she has decided will be her comrade.

“That’s it?”

He splutters, looking at her in disbelief. “What do you mean by that? A-are you saying that my feelings aren’t valid?”

“No. I’m just saying that your feelings are boring. It’s so damned conventional. Can’t you say something more outrageous like… like… there are trees on the other side that grows gold. So we need to go over there to get filthy rich or something.”

“Ymir, what the fuck?”

All she can do is shrug in answer. She doesn’t think that she’s saying anything crazy, though. But as someone who decided to be selfish, she thinks this is the least the world can give her. She doubts she’d be able to change Eren’s mind that easily, though. Instead, she should think of different ways to stop this guy from doing anything suicidal.

How hard can that be?

Eren sighs in annoyance, even though it’s Ymir who’s annoyed.

“You’re a piece of work,” he grumbles. Then a little louder, he adds, “Boring or not. Conventional or not. My feelings are my feelings. It’s not like I’m asking you to come along. But I do want to retake those Walls.”

This is a bad idea. 

It’s a horrible, terrible idea.

Later, much later, she’ll still say that this was a horrible, terrible, no good, very bad idea.

But she says it anyways.

“Why don’t we look for the three Warriors that came, then? If there are five of us, we’ll probably be able to take back your hometown more easily.”

“Huh? But they’re the ones that knocked down the Wall. Why would they help us?”

Ymir shrugs. “I don’t know. Get creative. Maybe they’re simple kids who’ll side with us if you give them flowers or something.”

“Okay, what did those Warriors look like?”

Again, Ymir shrugs.

Eren stares at her blankly. “Y-you’re kidding, right? You made such a big deal about me remembering, but you don’t even remember?”

“Hey, I remembered that there’s three of them. So you’re welcome.”

“Ymir, I don’t say this lightly… but you suck.”

*

The sun is high in the sky when they realize how hungry they are.

“For now, let’s just agree on this,” Ymir tells Eren, “Don’t go off to join the military. Hold the thought of going over that Wall until we find the three Warriors. And most definitely, do not tell anyone about our Titan abilities.”

Eren nods in agreement.

Figuring that’ll be that, Ymir transforms to take them down the mountain. She stops a bit before civilization to turn back so that they aren’t accidentally seen. 

But to be honest, no one cares about two children running through the town. Everyone’s attention is still caught up on the devastation and the sudden influx of people from Shiganshina. There’s no time for them to mind orphaned children.

Eren leads Ymir through the twists and turns of the streets until they get to an area for refugees. Then he picks up speed, clearly uncaring of whether Ymir is lost or not. And with a surprising bit of desperation Ymir didn’t expect, he begins to search for “Armin” and “Mikasa.” Faintly, she recalls that he mentioned those names before.

“Ah! Eren!”

With that, the three kids are reunited in a touching scene that Ymir frankly doesn’t care about.

What she does care, however, is the extra bit of food both kids that arrived are carrying.

Perhaps this “comrade” business is going to turn out just fine!

Of course… it doesn’t.

*

“Mikasa, Armin, I can turn into a Titan,” is the first thing out of Eren’s mouth the minute they’re somewhere private.

Ymir has never wanted to hurt someone more.

“You dumbass! You said we’ll keep it a secret!” she hisses, shaking Eren.

Mikasa grabs Ymir’s wrist as if to silently threaten, “Don’t touch him.” 

Slowly, Ymir lets go, because she doesn’t want to fight someone with such a dangerous aura.

“I am keeping it a secret,” Eren protests, seemingly oblivious to the silent conversation between Ymir and Mikasa. “I waited until we were here to start talking, didn’t I?”

“No, I mean a secret from them, too.”

Eren stares blankly at Ymir as if he can’t understand such simple words. 

This is going to take a while.

*

Let’s quickly make sure that the record is straight.

Ymir did not give up. Ymir is still level-headed and calm.

It’s just that Eren has already told these two that he can turn into a Titan, so she figures it can’t hurt to let these two know. And although she didn’t sign up for a four men party, she figures it’ll be better than being exasperated at Eren’s stupidity all the time.

“Alright,” Armin says, nodding seriously. “Ymir’s right. You can’t turn yourself in to the military.”

Eren’s shoulders sag. “I was hoping you’d be on my side.”

“It’s too risky. Right now, everyone’s tense from what just happened. If you were to step up suddenly with this new knowledge, it will turn you into a target. Instead of giving you the chance to explain yourself, they’ll kill you without any remorse,” Armin concludes.

Isn’t that pretty much what Ymir said? Why is it that Eren believes Armin’s words with a sullen pout but kept trying to fight Ymir? 

“Can you… really turn into a Titan?” Mikasa asks softly.

From the uneasy expression on Armin’s face, it’s clear that he doesn’t believe it either.

“If we show you, then our conversation of joining the military or not won’t matter, since they’ll just come get us,” Ymir points out. 

“When there’s a place that’s hidden enough, I’ll show you,” Eren promises her.

“Now that that’s done, give me some of that bread,” Ymir demands.

*

Ymir didn’t realize just how desensitized she has become to the suffering of the people around her until Eren breaks off from the group to talk to a crying woman.

“Ma’am?” Eren calls. “Your child. May I see her?”

The crying woman stops only a bit to stare at him. “W-why? W-what do you want? I don’t have any money. I’m not going to buy anything from you or join your religion.”

“I’m the son of a doctor. Let me help.”

Ymir wants to speak up against it, but Mikasa stops her. 

“Eren, let us know what to do. We can help,” Armin says.

It’s a fruitless endeavor, Ymir thinks as she watches over the three of them. But Eren is calming and soothing to the crying woman, smiling as he explains to her the importance of snatisations and his recommendations on how best to help the child. Armin and Mikasa helps out in small ways, but there really isn’t much to do.

The four of them get a bit away from the woman before Ymir starts complaining.

“There’s no point to doing that. Everyone is going through something similar. You can’t possibly stop to help everyone.”

“But I made a difference to that woman,” Eren says.

Ymir snorts at the self-righteousness of those words. “A difference? Who are you trying to kid? You literally told that woman that there’s absolutely nothing she can do to help her kid. ‘Sanitation?’ How is she supposed to do that in this dinky hellhole with way too many people stuffed in? ‘Better food?’ How is she supposed to get that when it’s a struggle to just feed one person?”

“You’re wrong!” Mikasa snaps. “We did help her. You’re angry because you did nothing.”

Jeesh, no wonder this guy is so set in his ways. Does this girl always agree to everything that he comes up with? It looks like Armin isn’t any better, either. 

Ymir decides to let it go for now, because she really doesn’t feel like fighting children with logic. Besides, they’ll end up seeing it her way soon enough.

*

Eren’s resolve can’t even last two days.

And Ymir would’ve found it hilarious as hell if not for the dark bags under his eyes as he listlessly collapses next to her in the alleyway.

“You’re right,” he whispers hoarsely. He drops his head in his hands, possibly crying. “Fuck. Fuck. You’re right.”

Ymir isn’t so heartless to laugh. She isn’t so clueless to be smug. She thought she would feel at least a smidge vindictive, but she doesn’t. 

She just feels as tired as Eren looks.

“I don’t have the medicine they need. I can’t get this place clean enough. I can’t give them a space to rest that isn’t cramped by the rest of the people. I can’t just wave my hands to create more food and water for them. It’s not enough. No matter what I do, it’s never enough.”

Quietly, she ruffles his hair and lets him cry his innocence away.

*

When they return to the refugee area together, they’re greeted by a boy with blonde hair with a look of desperation on his face. Ymir knows what he wants even before he starts speaking. 

“P-please! A-are you the ‘Little Doctor’ that everyone talks about? C-can you help me? M-my friend. She’s… she has a fever…”

The guy looks to Eren pleadingly. And maybe if he came even an hour earlier, he might have gotten help, but there’s no way that Eren will-

“Let me see her.”

… Huh?

Ymir gives Eren a disbelieving look. Despite looking tired, Eren also looks determined.

“I can’t promise you that I can help her. But I’ll do what I can.”

The boy nods and quickly wipes his eyes. “Thank you! Thank you so much!”

Heaving a heavy sigh, Ymir follows the two.

*

The blonde boy takes them to a blonde girl who seems to be restlessly sleeping. By her side is a black haired boy who looks terrifiedly at them. 

“Bertolt,” the blonde boy says. “This is the Little Doctor. Back up a bit to let him look at Annie.”

Ymir feels like those names are familiar somehow, but she can’t quite place them. Well, if these kids are also in the refugee area, though, they must be evacuees from Shiganshina. Maybe she overheard them calling for each other the way Armin, Mikasa, and Eren do.

When Eren kneels down next to the girl to reach for her, Bertolt reacts violently. He smacks Eren’s hand away and growls. His eyes are furious as he tries to cover her body the best he can with his without smothering her.

“Don’t touch her with your filthy hands!”

“B-Bertolt! Y-you can’t… I-I’m so sorry about him,” the blonde boy says to Eren.

Ymir figures that’ll be that. Eren will throw in the towel and they’ll go their merry way. 

But Eren doesn’t.

He turns to the blonde boy and asks, “Has she been coughing?”

“N-no.”

“Any sneezing? What about signs of discomfort in swallowing?”

“No, and none that we’ve seen.”

Eren nods. “You’re lucky then.”

“How are we lucky?” Bertolt sneers.

“Her fever’s due to exhaustion. Make sure she gets plenty of sleep. Wipe her sweat so she doesn’t catch a cold. Get her easy-to-swallow food like soup. If you ask around, you’ll be able to trade your bread for soup, too. But make sure to take care of yourselves, too. It’ll be annoying if before she gets better, one of you fell sick.”

Eren turns to leave, so Ymir follows.

“W-wait! T-thank you!” the blonde yells after them.

Ymir thought Eren would ignore him and keep walking, but he surprises her yet again. He turns to the blonde with a curious look.

“Why? I didn’t do anything. All I did was tell you to continue what you have been doing.”

The blonde shakes his head. “No, you gave us assurance that Annie will be okay. That’s more than what we had before. So thank you.”

Eren stares at him for a second longer before leaving. Ymir gets the feeling that this blonde just made her life five times worse.

*

“Little Doctor! LIttle Doctor!” the people shout, trying to get Eren’s attention for every little thing.

Ymir gets tired of it before Eren can speak. She throws her cape around him and pulls up the hood to hide his face.

“So sorry! Our Little Doctor is tired and needs to rest. Return tomorrow with offerings, and I’ll see what I can do for you.”

“Offerings?” Eren whispers to her.

She grins. “It’ll keep the more grubby people away. Besides, having little offerings like that will let you trade for meds and food with others. That’ll make your job less stressful, right?”

And because she doesn’t want to turn this into a mushy conversation, she starts walking again, forcing him to run after her.

“I’m not saying that you have to stop completely. But think a little bit about who you can and cannot help first. It’ll make you less depressed.”

“My… What a kind goddess you are, Ymir,” he says lightly.

She lets the dig be, since she doesn’t want to make him cry any more than this. Mikasa and Armin are insufferable to deal with. And when they realize that Ymir made Eren cry again, they’ll doubtlessly try to lecture Ymir’s ears off.

Jeesh, how did obtaining a comrade end up with her babysitting all these brats?

*

She thinks that Eren’s workload eases thanks to her new plan. Both Mikasa and Armin clearly prefers this new system, not that Ymir blames them. It not only makes sure that they aren’t being overworked all the time by Eren’s relentless need to try and save everyone. And it also gives them a little more to work with in terms of food, medicine, and other supplies.

And although she’s the one who came up with it, Ymir can’t help but to find the whole thing bitter.

In the end, she’s just repeating what she did in Marley. Except with a new scapegoat.

Eren stands as the willing “goddess” for these people as Ymir stands back to reap the benefits like the people of the church did. The difference, of course, is that Eren is actually helping people. Back then, Ymir was just a figurehead. She spoke “the teachings of the Goddess Ymir” to encourage people to do “right” by donating to the church. At least here, Eren is actually healing people.

And probably because she finds the whole thing so distasteful, she ends up hanging back away from the trio enough to notice Bertolt.

At first, it’s just a passing glance. The boy is surprisingly tall for his age, but it’s not all that eye-catching. The only reason Ymir noticed at all is because her brain associated at him as a threat since he growled at Eren. And she would have continued to ignore him if not for how often he showed up to just… stare.

It’s unnerving as hell.

“If you’ve got a problem, actually address it,” she tells him one day when she can’t handle it anymore.

Bertolt flinches and blushes horribly. “I-I don’t… h-have a problem. I-it’s just… I… w-wanted to apologize.”

“Then apologize and leave,” Ymir snaps. “Don’t dawdle around like some kind of a deadbeat.”

“I… can’t get close b-because of…” Bertolt makes a vague motion towards the crowd and Mikasa and Armin, the gatekeepers.

Ymir can’t help but to grin. “Then bring an offering.”

She laughs at the annoyed disgust on his face and goes her merry way.

*

The next day, the blonde boy from before shows up with a small bag of five loaves of bread. And while Ymir understands that this is supposed to be sweet or whatever, all she can think about is the fact that there’s four of them but this asshole dared to bring five like what the hell are they supposed to do with the extra loaf of bread?

“T-thank you for the last time,” the boy says with an awkward dip of the head like he’s not too sure what the correct etiquette for thanking someone is.

Eren stares at him blankly. “Who are you?”

Ymir just barely holds back from laughing at the bewildered look on the guy’s face. That’s what you get for bringing a weird number of bread!

“Uh… M-my friend. You… helped her. Do you remember? You said she had a fever because of stress. She’s alright now.”

“What does that have to do with me?”

Mikasa and Armin glance over at them, curious as to what the commotion is.

“I just… w-wanted to thank you?” the guy tries again, making a helpless gesture at the bag.

Eren sighs tiredly. “For what? I didn’t do anything.”

Armin smiles softly and steps into the conversation. He gives the blonde boy a calming smile and leads him away. Ymir doesn’t know what Armin says, but it must be something sweet, because the blonde boy beams.

“If you’ve got time to do things like that, go take better care of your friends,” Eren grumbles under his breath.

“Pfft… You’re not honest at all,” Ymir teases.

Eren stubbornly looks away, refusing to acknowledge his reddening cheeks. Ymir decides to take it as her victory.

*

She figured that’ll be it in regards to those three, but it seems that fate has a different plan for them. 

Mikasa is bleeding from a cut over her left eye as she bandages Armin’s sprained ankle. Her face is twisted in anguish. Ymir is a little impressed that she hasn’t burst into tears yet. But she supposes that might be underestimating Mikasa too much. At least none of their wounds are fatal. Their only true injury has been to their pride.

“Please,” Mikasa manages to whisper. Her eye (Because the left one’s closed due to the blood from the cut) seem like a feral beast’s as she locks her eyes with Ymir’s own. “Please save Eren.”

“I’ve been shot, too, you know,” Ymir complains. 

But she’s already standing up, her bullet wound long healed with her Titan power, not that she’d admit that out loud. The group that attacked them to kidnap Eren was well-coordinated with weapons. They’re not just any thugs, which begs the question of why do they want Eren for? Because of his father’s deed in killing the royal family line? Or does this have more to do with Eren’s recent “Little Doctor” status?

“H-hey, a-are you guys okay?”

The blonde boy from before is back. This time, the blonde girl who must have long ago recovered from her fever is with him. What was it now? Annie?

“Do we look okay?” Ymir growls.

“Are you going to rescue the Little Doctor?” Annie asks.

“Yup.”

Both blondes look at the shape Mikasa and Armin are in. They glance at the hole in Ymir’s shirt from the bullet (As she’s said, the wound itself has long ago healed, but since she held Armin’s body, the rest of her shirt is still covered in Armin’s blood). Then they must come to a conclusion, because they both turn to Ymir with determined expressions.

“Let us help,” the boy says.

What a headache.

Ymir planned on transforming into a Titan to give chase and rescue Eren as fast as possible. But how can she do that if she has annoying extras tagging along?

“Don’t want it,” Ymir says.

“Our friend Bertolt is missing, too,” Annie admits. “It’s possible that he’s also been taken.”

Ymir highly doubts that. If the kidnappers wanted children, they would have grabbed all of them, not just Eren. No, this was a specifically targeted attack. But she doesn’t know how to explain to these two that she doesn’t need their help. Because she knows what those determined expressions are. The minute she leaves them behind, they’ll follow her and become even bigger nuisances.

She supposes she can’t just trust Eren to save himself, right?

“Alright,” she says. Because this will be much easier than dealing with them following her.

How did getting a single comrade end up with her taking in this many children?

*

If there’s one thing that she’s beginning to suspect, it’s that these two are not innocent children. There’s no way normal, innocent children would be able to track the kidnappers with this ease. There’s a small nagging feeling in the back of her mind. It makes her almost want to ask them if they’re from a place beyond the ocean.

“This building? You’re sure?” she asks them.

The three of them are in front of a small cabinet in the mountains. There’s clearly a lot happening inside, because they can occasionally hear muffled screams. If these bastards are torturing her one comrade…

Reiner, the blonde boy who finally introduced himself, nods stiffly. He looks as tense as Ymir feels. Probably because of the screams. 

Annie gives them some sturdy looking branches to use as weapons. Then she picks up a rock. On a silent signal that Ymir doesn’t know who gave, Annie picks up a rock and throws it at the window.

They then use the shouts of startled anger as their second signal to attack.

*

Ymir thinks that they’re doing great. 

Reiner has one of the men locked in a chokehold. Annie has brought two of the other guys down. And Ymir is currently whacking another guy in the face with her branch.

See? Doing great.

But apparently them doing great isn’t good enough for stupid Eren, because Bertolt runs out of the cabinet with wide-eyed look of terror.

“S-stop!” he yells at them. Then he quickly lowers his voice to a whisper. “Stop. We’re not in any danger. But all this noise is distracting for the surgery.”

“The what?” Ymir demands.

*

It turns out that a group of bandits decided that the best way to get help for their injured member was by kidnapping this “Little Doctor” from the refugee area. And Eren, being the dumbass that he is, decided that he should help them instead of rushing back to Mikasa and Armin (and Ymir, but she’s obviously a given). 

“Then why are you here?” Ymir asks Bertolt, giving him a knowing look.

The guy dares to blush and drop his gaze to the ground as if that can hide the fact that he’s a stalker. “A-anyways… a-are the other two okay? Eren was really worried about them.”

If he’s worried, he should just come home instead of helping these people. 

“Armin and Mikasa are both bleeding out. They’ll probably be dead when he’s finally done here,” Ymir claims because she’s bitter and annoyed as hell with Eren. “I was also shot. In case he was wondering.”

Bertolt looks at her in guilt-stricken horror. Hehe. Take that!

“They’re both fine,” Reiner says, giving Ymir a look.

“So we’re just going to wait until Eren’s done with the surgery?” Annie asks.

Ymir sighs. “Looks that way. Ugh. That idiot. The hell does he want to help his kidnappers for?”

“H-he said… He said that he’s tired of people dying. That if there’s something that he can do to help, then he wants to do everything he can. It doesn’t undo the bad things we’ve done, but it’s the step in the right direction,” Bertolt says. 

There’s a soft smile on his face like he’s been enlightened. And Ymir may have spent a long time as a naive “goddess” at a church, but she’s not completely clueless. This guy is clearly taken by Eren. She doesn’t get why. Eren’s such a boring, conventional kid. There has to be at least thousand other people that are better to be taken by.

“Don’t tell me you believe that shit?” Ymir asks.

Bertolt’s expression falls. “E-excuse me?”

“Eren likes pretty words, because he’s naive about the world. ‘A step in the right direction?’ Don’t make me laugh. No matter what we do, people don’t change. You can dress it up however fancy as you want. But in the end, this world is utter shit and we’re the ones that suffer for it. This whole selfless act is stupid. All you do is waste your energy and patience.”

“B-but if we try to change-”

Ymir shakes her head. “Nothing can change. The world just isn’t that kind. It’s better to take care of yourself than be taken advantage of by this shitty world.”

Bertolt opens his mouth once more but can’t seem to think of a good counter. He wordlessly closes his mouth and looks down at the ground. 

“If that’s how you feel, then why do you let Eren be Little Doctor? Doesn’t that go against exactly what you just said?” Annie asks.

“You think I haven’t tried?”

The three of them nod slowly as if now coming to realize just what kind of a naive idiot Eren is.

“But this is infinitely better than his previous plan. He wants to join the military to reclaim his home that he lost. Can he believe that guy?”

“Y-you mean.. Shiganshina?” Reiner asks slowly.

A dark look settles on all three of their faces. It feels too much like Ymir knows where this is going to go. So she tries to lighten up the mood.

“I mean, all of us are orphans from what happened there. I’m sure you guys lost important people, too.”

“… Y-yeah…” Reiner mumbles. “Marcel is… was our leader of sorts.”

To anyone else, that would have been the perfect gateway to use to talk about their shared pain and losses. That would be the perfect time to show your humanity. And mourn and whatever.

But Ymir is frozen at the truth that she didn’t want to acknowledge. She would have infinitely preferred to have continued to not know. It would have been so much easier to just ignore the uneasy inkling of feeling she got near these three. That would have been better. That would have been so much better.

Because she knows that name. She knows the person “Marcel.”

How can she not?

It’s the Warrior that she ate.

These three are most definitely the Warriors that Eren is searching for.

And if she were to bring this up to Eren, he would doubtlessly grab their hands and drag them towards the Walls. With his eyes sparkling with hope, Eren would try to right the wrongs. Eren would believe that these guys would help them, because he’s talked to Bertolt before and Bertolt most definitely seems to eat up everything Eren said earlier.

“See Ymir?” he’d say with a bright grin. “We can change the world!”

But then what?

What comes after that?

Once his home is reclaimed, he would turn towards Marley and their guns. What does he plan to do from there? Force these Warriors to betray their country? To forsake their families that are being held hostage? Hey Eren, are you going give up your Founding Titan for their sake?

Without giving them anything, do you plan on forcing them to bend to your will?

Isn’t that the same thing the Marley is doing to them?

No, Ymir decides.

She cannot tell Eren about the Warriors. Maybe, one day, she’ll be able to break his foolish ideology that he clings to tightly to. But until then, it’ll be a danger to tell him. Not just a danger to her, but also to Mikasa and Armin, and everyone else within these Walls. 

And she said so before, right? That she’s going to be selfish?

They may be comrades, but she’s still going to put herself first.

So she decides to ignore the truth staring at her in the face.

Later, much later, she’ll jokingly point to this moment in time and say that she should’ve eaten the three of them. That that would’ve caused her less grief and headaches down the road. But if you seriously ask her about it, she won’t be able to form a coherent response. 

*

“I don’t know if this will be enough,” Eren warns the bandits once he finishes. “The rest is up to his will to live and how well you guys treat him. Make sure to be gentle and don’t feed him any solid food for at least a week.”

Once finished with instructing the bandits, he turns and realizes that the four of them are waiting for him.

“Where’s Mikasa and Armin?” he asks immediately. 

Does he not even see the bullet wound on her shirt and the fact that her shirt is bloody? And yeah, he knows that she can heal. But she’d really like it if this damned uncute brat showed even an ounce of care the way he does for his patients.

“Dead,” Ymir answers the same time Reiner says, “They’re fine.”

Eren looks alarmed as he glances between the two of them.

“They’re fine,” Annie repeats. “Ymir is joking with you.”

“T-they’re okay, right?” Eren asks, looking surprisingly vulnerable.

And well, Ymir’s already lying to him about who these three are. She supposes she shouldn’t lie too much to her comrade. Can’t get him too used to her being dishonest. 

“Yeah. Just missing you. C’mon, let’s go back.”

*

Armin and Mikasa make a big deal about Eren coming back like Ymir knew they would. Honestly, don’t they realize just how much they’re spoiling him by doing things like that?

“T-thank you,” the two of them tell the three Warriors and Ymir. They look like lost children as they clutch tightly to Eren’s hands on either sides. 

“We really didn’t do much,” Reiner says, looking uncomfortable.

“But he’s home now,” Mikasa says. 

“I would’ve come home just fine,” Eren protests.

The look on everyone’s faces seem to say that they don’t believe him. It annoys him enough to start loudly complaining. And it gives them all a bit of a break away from this serious mood.

Ymir figures that’ll be that, when Mikasa tugs on her bloody shirt.

“What?”

There’s a small pause as if Mikasa wants to say something. But she seems to unable to be able to voice it. Instead, she just says an awkward, “Thank you for coming home, too.”

Ymir isn’t sure how to respond, so she just laughs nervously and changes the topic.

Later, much later, she’d be able to properly look at Mikasa in the eyes and say back, “I’m home.”

But Ymir hasn’t quite reached that level of comfort just yet.

*

Ymir wants everything she can do to get those three away from Eren. But it seems that their fates as Titans are entangled or whatever poetic nonsense.

Or perhaps she just feels that way because of Bertolt.

Instead of just standing back and staring, he now approaches Eren.

“Do you need any help?” he’ll say with a shy smile on his face.

Mikasa and Armin at first gave him weirded out looks and kept him at a distance. But now, it seems that they’ve more or less got used to the tall boy. They order him around as easily as they order Ymir around. 

And with Bertolt hanging out, Reiner is not too far behind.

Annie always looks like she doesn’t want to be there, but she always shows up. If some of the patients get rough (and they always do, especially if they don’t have any offerings), she and Mikasa always put a stop to them before anyone else can jump in.

It’s to the point that everyone has accepted that the seven of them are a group.

"Little Doctor, thank you and your friends for all the good that you do. Oh, we don’t need any treatment. We just wanted to give you a gift.”

There are few people like this. They try to get in Eren’s good graces before they ever get in trouble. Or they’ve already been treated before and are still thankful. It’s a type of thinking that Ymir can understand. 

“We don’t need any gift,” Eren says, trying to refuse it.

So Ymir quickly smack him and accepts it.

"When the people want to thank you, you should accept these gifts with a smile," she scolds him.

He dares to roll his eyes at her. But he does thank the nice people.

Then comes dividing the gifts.

The very first treat always goes to Armin. The next two are then given to Mikasa and Annie. If there are more, then Eren gives the next two to Bertolt and Reiner. Typically, this is when they run out. But now that there’s seven of them, the gifts that they receive now is a lot more. If there's just one more left in the bag, Eren always claims it for himself.

"You said I should be selfish!" is always his reasoning with a haughty grin.

When Ymir fights with him for it, Armin is always the sweetie who shares with her. Sometimes, Mikasa spoils Eren by giving him a bite of hers even though he already ate everything. When he thinks no one is watching, Bertolt tries to share his with Eren, too. Reiner and Annie, however, tend to be a lot more fair. They watch to see who got the least amount and then divide theirs with that person.

Ymir often gets extra treats from those two.

But when there's extra leftovers, Eren always gives Ymir two. She thinks it's his awkward way of apologizing.

This.

She wants this to stay. She wants their relationship to always be like this. For Eren to never find out about the Warriors. For them to stay in this kind of friendly atmosphere, even if it’s because they’re all keeping secrets. Because the minute the truth comes out, she knows these peaceful days will crumble in seconds.

Later, much later, she will laugh at her own naivety. She’ll regret the lost years they could’ve had while thinking that she really underestimated everyone.

*

The announcement of taking volunteers to for a recovery mission doesn’t catch any of them surprised except for perhaps Eren.

His eyes flash with an emotion that passes too quickly for Ymir to catch. Then he covers his eyes as if he’s some sort of a fragile maiden who faints at the word “blood.” Ymir snorts at the thought, earning an exasperated quirk of the eyebrows from Mikasa.

“Are you okay?” Bertolt asks as he immediately rushes to Eren’s side. 

“We could go,” Eren mumbles. He lowers his hand to meet eyes with Ymir. He looks desperate. Like he’s just a push away from breaking apart. Like he’s cracked ice that hasn’t quite shattered. 

And in that moment, it’s just the two of them. Two comrades, trying to decide their fate.

Ymir grabs Eren by the shoulders. “You already know what I’m going to say, right?”

Eren closes his eyes and nods.

Whew. That’s good. It looks like they at least won’t have to fight again about this.

“You promised. We’ll wait for…” 

Ymir realizes belatedly that the Warriors are all right there, staring at her. If she says the wrong thing, they’ll realize the truth. But can she really delay this any longer without Eren getting suspicious?

“For… the rest of our comrades.”

Eren slowly opens his eyes and looks at her. Ah, that’s right. Eren’s quite young, isn’t he? She keeps forgetting in the flow of their daily activities. In the flow of him determinedly taking care of patients.

His eyes are watery, but he grins. “Our ‘comrades,’ huh? Hehe. I like the sound of that.”

Ymir can feel the Warriors’ curious gazes, but they seem to realize that now is not the time to ask. She’s infinitely grateful for that.

“I hope they come soon.”

*

“Who are you guys waiting for?” Reiner asks.

Eren is currently distracted by taking the temperature of a patient. Armin is by his side, tools ready to go. Mikasa is on guard duty with Annie. Bertolt for once isn’t standing right behind Eren. Instead, he’s next to Reiner as the two boys stare at Ymir.

“Didn’t you hear? Our comrades.”

It’s vague enough that they shouldn’t be able to figure it out. And although Ymir feels guilty about lying to Eren, her only comrade, she has no qualms about doing so to these two or anyone else.

“And… what are you guys going to do once your comrades get here?” Bertolt asks, looking worriedly towards the Walls.

Ymir can’t help to grin at that. “You seem to have an idea already.”

They’re smart enough to figure things out from there. But they’re not smart enough to put the whole truth together. 

Ymir wonders if maybe if she didn’t have Marcel’s memories, she would also be just as blind as the rest of them. 

*

She overhears it on accident.

A quiet conversation between Reiner, Bertolt, and Annie. 

After Armin’s grandpa was “volunteered” for the recovery mission, Eren suggested refusing to seeing patients. But Armin insisted that times like these is the most important to have a doctor. Since Armin is clearly putting on smiles for everyone else to not worry, Mikasa and Eren wanted to do something for him.

Ymir drew the short straw to talk to the three to figure out exactly what that something should be.

So it’s not like she wanted to hear the conversation, okay? They just happen to be talking in a volume that she could hear, even though she’s a bit of a distance away.

Besides, it’s their fault for not paying attention to who came nearby.

“… information on the Founding Titan…”

That’s right.

That’s why the Warriors are here. That’s why they broke the Walls. That’s why these three have been hiding within these Walls. 

They’re here to steal Eren.

And once they take Eren to Marley, it’s only too obvious what will happen. 

But Eren is her comrade. 

Everyone else are just annoying flies buzzing around. Eren is the one that she chose as her comrade. The rest of them are here because Eren seems to not mind them. So if Eren isn’t there, then they have no reason to be around her either.

“This comrade business is such a chore,” she grumbles under her breath.

And a little louder, she greets the three with a cheerful, “Yo, there you guys are! We’re going to throw a party to cheer Armin up. You guys in?”

It snaps them away from their secret talks with guilty smiles and suspicious glances. But Ymir doesn’t give them a chance to ask her about that. She goes on and on and on about the party for Armin until the suspicion ebbs, leaving nothing but exasperated smiles and chuckles.

*

“I guess this is goodbye,” Bertolt says softly.

“You can just go to the same settlement as us,” Armin points out.

There’s a nervous glance the three of them shares. Ymir’s pretty sure she knows what they’re thinking of. 

“Take care of yourselves,” Eren tells the three. 

Ymir doubts that he’d say the same thing if he realized the truth. So she makes sure that he’ll stay in the dark, even though he’s kind of stupid enough that he won’t be able to put it together even if the three of them were to come out and say it.

“We’ll probably never see each other again,” Reiner says. “But it’d be nice if you guys lived long and happy lives.”

“Same to you,” Ymir says even though she knows these three has less than 13 years left to live.

“I’ll miss my sparring buddy,” Mikasa says softly.

Annie looks like she might say something sharp back but seems to keep herself in check. Instead, she lets out a soft, “I’ll miss you, too.”

With forced smiles, they say goodbyes. They take barely two steps away before bursting into tears. And it takes everything Ymir has to not rub her temples, because god, why must she always be surrounded by such children?

Despite such harsh thoughts, she finds herself feeling blue, too. She won’t miss the headache of trying to keep both Eren and the Warriors in the dark about each other. But she will most definitely miss their quiet but comfortable existence they had.

*

The settlement the four of them end up at is a plantation of sorts. They work all day in the fields, and then tiredly follow after Eren with his “Little Doctor” duties (Unfortunately, Eren puts a stop to the offerings, since there’s more than enough food with so little people being left behind). 

Well, she supposes it’s not all that bad. Thanks to those duties, the adults around them are always lenient with the four of them. They always end up getting any kind of goodies (like apples and sweet treats) first, too. 

With everyday grind, she forgot about it. Or rather, she wanted Eren to forget about it.

“I’m going to join the Survey Corps.”

Ymir, Mikasa, and Armin all look at Eren blankly.

“I-I thought we agreed on no military?” Armin asks slowly.

Eren nods. “I’m not going to turn myself in. It’s just… the best chance of taking back our home is to join the Survey Corps. And on top of that, we won’t be able to find our comrades if we’re stuck in this settlement. I’m not going to say something careless like I want you guys to come with me but-”

“We’ll go with you,” Mikasa says without missing a beat.

Armin nods firmly.

Then the three of them turn to look at Ymir like they’re afraid she’d say no.

“If I leave you guys alone, wouldn’t you three just end up causing huge trouble to everyone you encounter?”

“I-it wouldn’t necessarily be huge,” Armin begins.

“I’ll lessen the damage,” Mikasa promises. But the way she clenches her fists make Ymir think otherwise.

Eren silently stares at Ymir, looking more and more like a kicked puppy with each passing second.

Ymir sighs. “I mean, yeah. Of course, I’ll go. But does it have to be the Survey Corps? The survival rate is super low, so it’ll be really obvious when we keep coming back alive.”

“Don’t look down on the Survey Corps! Captain Levi is super strong!”

“Not your hero worship again!” Ymir groans. “Are you sure you don’t want to join the Survey Corps just because of that guy?”

Eren blushes and quickly looks away. “N-not only…”

“You two really want to trust your lives to him?” Ymir asks Armin and Mikasa.

The two idiots both grin brightly and nod. “Yes! Because you’ll be there with us.”

And for just a second, Ymir almost considers holding them close.

*

“Ah,” the word leaves Ymir’s mouth before she can stop it.

“Ah,” comes the echo.

“Eren!” Bertolt yells, ignoring everyone else. God, can this guy get any more obvious?

Reiner and Annie both look apologetic at least.

“It’s good to see you guys again,” Eren tells them, not realizing exactly what they will do if they realize what he is.

Bertolt seems to believe those words are just for himself, because he blushes and beams all at once. Ymir finds it all sorts of disgusting.

“You guys decided on military, too, huh?” Reiner asks with a small grin.

Armin chuckles. “Not much else for options, is there?”

“Are we competing for the Military Police position?” Annie asks Mikasa with a hint of challenge.

Mikasa allows her lips to curve up slightly. “Our aim is the Survey Corps.”

“T-the…? Why? Isn’t it better to go deep within the Walls?” Reiner asks, looking concerned for them.

Ymir points at Eren, who seems to be amused by Bertolt’s stutters, judging from the way he’s laughing. Even though that’s all she does, both Reiner and Annie have expressions like they know exactly what she’s talking about.

Despite the two years apart, it somehow feels like these guys have never left.

Ymir wonders for how long this act can last.

*

My, isn’t Eren quite the popular guy?

The minute the others learns where Eren is from, they surround him with questions about the day the Colossal Titan appeared. Eren answers their curiosity honestly, if not a little annoyed. But Ymir’s attention isn’t on him or his answers.

It’s on the three Warriors who are keeping to themselves. Bertolt looks like a man sentenced to death. His head is bowed heavy with guilt. Reiner seems unable to do something as simple a motion as lifting his spoon to keep eating. Annie has given up on all pretense of food as she stares at the far corner. 

They’re so obvious. 

If Eren wasn’t so stupid, he’d probably figure this out, too. She thought for sure that Armin would be smart enough to figure it out, but he doesn’t seem to have made the connection either. Or maybe it’s more that he doesn’t want to make the connection? Huh? Does that mean that Ymir can stop working so hard? That they’re all too set in their thoughts to think that the other is what they’re looking for?

“Then… then… What does a regular Titan look like?”

“… Pitiful…”

Ymir glances over at Eren, whose eyes seem much too sad. Is he relieving a memory? Or does he mean generally? Both Armin and Mikasa look worriedly at him, but he doesn’t seem to have realized. 

He’s so damned obvious, too. How the hell does the three Warriors not realize what Eren truly is when he’s waving it around for the world to see like this?

Perhaps it’s not just Eren who’s oblivious and stupid.

“P-pitiful…?” someone echoes in bewilderment.

Eren snaps out of his thoughts. “I-I mean… s-so pitiful because I’m… g-going to kill them! Y-yeah! Haha…”

Ymir rubs her temples. Please, Eren. Just shut up.

“Look at the nerve of this guy! He talks about his hometown getting destroyed by Titans and now he’s calling them pitiful? Jeesh, next you’re going to say that you’re going to join the Survey Corps!”

Eren looks at the blonde who just spoke thoughtfully. “You’re the guy who wants to join the Military Police to take it easy, right?”

“That’s me. Jean Kirstein. Some have said that honesty is my best point.”

After a second of pause, Eren stands up and walks up to Jean. It doesn’t look like he means any harm, so Ymir doesn’t immediately rush to stop him. Instead, she leans back and watches as Eren covers Jean’s eyes.

“You uh… W-what are you doing? I-I can’t see if you do that, you know?” Jean asks slowly.

“Right now, that’s us within the Walls. When the Colossal and the Armored Titans attack us again, it will probably be with more friends. Do you think the Walls will still be standing after all that? Do you truly believe there will be an ‘interior’ for you to hide? For your loved ones to be safe in? Wouldn’t it be better to keep our eyes open for when that attack comes instead?”

Eren withdraws his hands and smiles. 

Jean looks uncomfortable as he tries to look at anywhere that isn’t Eren. “T-that’s on the assumption that they come back.”

“You’re right. But the truth is, I’m a terrible coward. The worst possible outcomes keep flashing before my eyes. That’s why I have no path but the Survey Corps. Death? Titans? None of those things scare me anymore. But… to stand by so powerlessly as the ones I love are torn apart in front of my eyes… I don’t think I can handle that kind of terror again.”

The bells ring, signaling the end of dinner. It mercifully ends the discussion here.

Ymir better talk to Eren about letting way too many things slip.

*

It’s because she wanted to talk to Eren privately that they accidentally come across this scene.

“Are you god?!” 

“What?”

“Are you?!”

“I-if you don’t keep it down…” 

Ymir stares at the two that look like they’re putting on a comedy skit without any audience. Eren doesn’t seem too bothered by them, though. He just turns to find some place else to go. But Ymir… 

“What the heck are you doing?” she asks as she approaches them.

It’s curiosity. 

She saw that blonde girl palm the dinner bread earlier but didn’t think much about it. But to think she wanted to feed this… uh… Potato Girl. It’s interesting. It’s funny. 

And you can really stop looking at Ymir like that, Eren. At the very least, he doesn’t say anything to ruin her mood. Just gives her this judging look before shaking his head. You have no right, you damned brat.

“Um… This girl’s been running all day, so…” the blonde stutters with a nervous expression on her face.

“Hey, it’s the Potato Girl. And you. What are you doing?”

“Me…? I-I guess… J-just making sure that this girl is okay.”

“Why?”

The blonde blinks slowly as she stammers for a bit longer. Then with a sheepish smile, she says, “B-because that’s the right thing to do? I-it’s what you should do to be thought of as helpful.”

Ymir wants to take her hand and smack her forehead. Is this just her luck? Does she have some kind of a magnet that attracts these ideological types? Why is the first person she willingly approach here exactly like Eren?

“Ah, so you went ahead and palmed the dinner bread, all for the sake of feeding a pet behind your parents’ backs? What a great ‘help’ you’re being! Hey, does doing a ‘good deed’ really make you feel that good? You get high from the sense of accomplishment? Or are you doing it for the compensation?”

“E-excuse me…?” the blonde asks.

The blank expression on her face as if she can’t understand Ymir’s words is pissing her off. 

Boring! So damned conventional boring. Why is everyone like this? Why can’t they see that no matter what kind of a mindless “good deed” you do, in the end, it all amounts to nothing? Just live for yourself, damn it. What’s so hard about taking advantage of people? Why does everyone insist on reminding her of her past self?

“Ah, whatever. Let’s just get Potato Girl to bed.”

“Wha-?!”

“Well, she’d be pretty heavy for you. And lucky for me, I have a muscular idiot over there to help me out.”

She motions at Eren, who seems to be staring at something on the ground. Did he find a worm? What’s with him?

“Um… Why are you doing a ‘good deed?’”

Ymir snorts. “So I can demand gratitude later. I can rely on her stupidity. Why else would I use her?”

The blonde looks at her thoughtfully. How odd. Usually, when Ymir says something like that to Eren, she gets an earful about the “right” and the “wrong” way of doing things. And now that she thinks about it, this blonde’s behavior is just slightly-

“Hey Eren, that’s your cue to come help me out!”

*

Ymir doesn’t miss the stark distance Eren puts between himself and the blonde girl, Krista. It’s purposeful. That much is certain. Eren isn’t the type to go out of his way to care about things like that, so it becomes that much more glaringly obvious.

When the four of them get near the girl’s barracks, Mikasa spots them. Ymir pawns the Potato Girl and Krista over so she can finally have that private talk with Eren.

“You know, I never thought you’d notice girls. You always seem so caught up in your righteousness and getting your hometown back… Hehe. I guess I underestimated you, Eren!”

She meant to use it as a light-hearted banter to break the ice, but what she receives instead is… 

A tense expression of unease on Eren’s face. It’s not quite fear, but it seems just a hair’s breadth away from it. What’s gotten him so spooked?

“Hey Eren? I was joking.”

“T-that girl… you didn’t feel that?”

The teasing words in Ymir’s throat dies at the almost terrified glint in Eren’s eyes. “Feel what? If you don’t explain yourself clearly, I won’t understand.”

“It’s… I’m not sure how to describe it. She just… feels really off.” Eren wraps his arms around himself, trembling. “She creeps me out.”

This doesn’t seem like a crush at all. A crush is something more like what Bertolt is doing to Eren whenever he thinks no one’s watching. Constant stares with a slight blush on his face. This seems to border more closely to terror than anything like romantic inclination. 

It makes Ymir actually worried.

“Ymir, don’t get involved with her.”

The words of agreement is out of her mouth before she registers it. 

*

Damn it.

Now that Eren’s brought it up, she can’t stop staring at Krista.

Off? Yeah. Krista’s behavior is just slightly off. She goes out of her way to be polite and kind to everyone that she can. But it’s… it all feels fake. 

When Eren’s sprouting his nonsensical ideology, it’s with a certain degree of pride and dignity. And Ymir never really thought about it before. But she realizes that she’s wrong. Krista isn’t like Eren. Not even slightly.

Eren’s ideology is his own. He truly believe that he must help as many people as he physically can. That they can change the world because they have the Titan power. And despite being unable to use the Founding Titan’s abilities because he’s not of royal blood, he still hasn’t given up hope on finding another way. And after knowing him for this long, Ymir’s starting to believe that that’s just how he’s wired. That’s just how he lives.

Ymir’s ideology stems from the fact that she was told all her life to pretend to be a goddess. Her words to help people, to believe in a better future are all hollow echoes of the ideal goodness. That’s why it’s easy to point at it and say that it’s not true. Because she herself never believed her own words. And that was the catalyst to her wish to be selfish. To care about just herself (and Eren, to an extent).

Krista is just like Ymir.

Rather, Krista is like the Ymir of the past, playing the role of a goddess. 

No wonder Eren looks so freaked out. She says the same ideology as he does, but her words are hollow. Her actions stink of falsehood.

“… then we have to go back to the settlement?!”

Ymir snaps out of her thoughts to glance at Eren, who is seething at Armin and Mikasa.

“C-calm down,” Armin tells him with a sweet smile.

“You won’t go alone. We’ll be with you,” Mikasa tells Eren.

“I would rather throw myself into the mouth of a Titan on the other side of that Wall!” Eren yells, completely unmindful of who might be listening in.

Bertolt is frozen in place with his plate full of food. He stares at Eren in clear distress. Without knowing what the conversation is about, he looks like he’s going to start crying. Reiner and Annie are just steps behind him, staring at him curiously before glancing at Eren.

“Eren, stop being a brat and calm down,” Ymir tells him.

Reiner hesitantly puts his tray of food down at their table. “W-what’s going on?”

“I keep falling flat on my face! If I can’t pass this, I’ll be sent back to the settlement! Everyone else can do it so well. Why can’t I do it?”

“You literally just dangle there. Why are you struggling?” Annie asks as she joins them.

Eren buries his face in his hands. “I’m going to fail.”

“W-we’ll help you. Don’t worry,” Bertolt says as he puts his tray down.

Ymir sniggers. “Yeah, Eren. Even if you don’t make it, we’ll just live comfortably in the settlement instead of worrying about being eaten by Titans!”

“Shut up, you. I see you staring at that creepy girl, even though you promised me you wouldn't. You’re not free from this either,” Eren grumbles.

“Creepy girl?” Reiner asks.

Eren motions vaguely towards Krista. “She creeps me out.”

“Eh? Krista? She’s only like the cutest girl here! C’mon Eren, you don’t mean that! She’s so nice!”

And when Eren doesn’t respond to that, Reiner stands up. 

“You just feel like that because you’re struggling with your failures. Here. I’m sure you’ll change your mind once you meet her.”

With that, Reiner marches over to Krista. Ymir doesn’t have to know what he said to see exactly how uncomfortable she looks. But it seems that she doesn’t know how to say no, because in a few minutes, Krista is sitting with the rest of them at the dinner table.

“H-hello,” she says nervously glancing at Reiner’s beaming smile.

Faintly, Ymir is aware of Armin elbowing Eren and whispering at him to give Krista a chance. Faintly, she’s aware of the way Annie and Mikasa exchanging a friendly banter to spar after their meal, ignoring the rest of them. Faintly, she’s aware of Bertolt staring at Eren as always.

But she herself cannot look away from Krista’s nervousness. Because that’s real.

Unlike the goodie-two shoe act that she puts on, this uncertainty that she shows them is her true feeling.

So what else is real about Krista Lenz?

*

“Jeesh, that guy is as popular as ever,” Ymir mumbles.

Eren and Marco seems to be locked in an animated discussion, because both their eyes are bright. The others have gathered around them, listening with rapt attention. Jean brings up few points that seems to change the course of the talk a bit, but not enough to halt the discussion. Just a little, Ymir is curious as to what they’re talking about.

“It’s because Eren’s charismatic,” Bertolt says with a soft smile on his face. 

Armin laughs. “That’s true. There’s no one quite like Eren!”

No, Ymir is pretty sure they’re both thinking of different things. 

“You guys like him a lot,” Annie says. How wonderful. Ymir finally has someone on her side.

“He saved my life,” Mikasa explains. “When the world became cold, he wrapped this scarf around me.”

… Somehow wrapping a scarf around one’s neck doesn’t seem a grand of a deed as saving one’s life. But Mikasa is surprisingly really romantic and dramatic. Ymir shouldn’t think too much about it.

Reiner chuckles and teases, “Do you love him, Mikasa?”

“Yes! I love him very much!”

Her words are so pure, but that’s not how the rest of them take it. Reiner and Annie both blush at her, and Bertolt turn to stare at Mikasa with such a defeated look that it’s much too clear what they’re all thinking.

“And I also love Armin and Ymir very much, too,” Mikasa continues with a smile. “I’m sure given time, I’ll come to love you guys, too. Possibly not to the same extent, though.”

Reiner breaths out slowly. “N-no! Hahaha… N-not like that! I mean like ‘love-love.’ You know? Romantically?”

“We are family,” Mikasa tells him proudly.

Bertolt seems to relax. Seeing that, Ymir can’t help but to jump in.

“If there’s anyone you should tease about that, it’s Bertolt. This guy clearly _loves_ Eren!”

She thought that there would be light teasing. Because it is pretty funny, all things considered. But what she receives is a rather shocked gasp from Mikasa, Reiner, and Annie.

“Bertolt likes Eren?!”

Armin frowns. “C-come on, guys. It was pretty obvious.”

Ymir isn’t sure if she should be grateful that Armin at least picked up on the obvious or if she should laugh and tease these three for being so clueless.

“W-was it that obvious?” Bertolt asks Armin anxiously.

“You’re always staring at the guy,” Ymir points out.

“But he stares at everyone!” Reiner protests.

Annie nods in agreement. “Because he’s too shy to actually say what’s on his mind.”

“If we’re talking about staring, Ymir, you stare Krista a lot, too,” Mikasa brings up suddenly.

Ymir doesn’t like the way they’re all staring at her like.

“C-could it be? Ymir, do you like Krista?”

Well, she hasn’t really teased them a lot, has she? It can’t hurt to play a little.

“Yup! I want to marry her!”

Reiner’s face falls. But then he takes on a more determined look. “I guess we’ll be rivals. Whoever wins her heart can have a double wedding with Eren and Bertolt!”

“W-wait! W-we’re jumping to marriage already?! H-he doesn’t even know how I feel so-”

“Bertolt,” Reiner growls, interrupting his friend. “We are soldiers! We don’t know when we’ll lose our lives in this dangerous world. If you don’t step it up, you’ll lose him without having done anything. Is that how you want to live the rest of your short life?”

Doesn’t Eren get a choice in this?

The expressions on Annie’s and Bertolt’s faces seem strange. But Ymir doesn’t know why. She doesn’t think Reiner said anything too off the wall… Did he?

“Alright,” Mikasa says, nodding firmly. “I accept.”

W-wait, Mikasa, what the hell are you accepting?

“I shall walk Eren down the aisle!”

Armin nods seriously. “Then that leaves me with the role of the pastor. I’ll practice saying, ‘I now pronounce you…’ Wait. Would it be ‘man and man’ for Bertolt and Eren? Then… If Ymir wins, it’ll be ‘woman and woman?’”

“Sounds about right to me,” Annie agrees. “I guess then I’l be walking Krista down the aisle? Or is it Ymir I’m walking?”

“Don’t count me out of the running yet! I’ll woo Krista. Just you guys watch!” Reiner yells.

*

Krista’s smile is frozen on her face as she tries to back away from Reiner. But it’s far too late. Her back hits the wall. Ymir imagines it’s dread that settles into her stomach as she forces herself to smile at Reiner.

“D-do you need something…?” she asks Reiner.

Why doesn’t she just say that she doesn’t want his huge face near her? It boggles Ymir’s mind. What’s the point of forcing herself into uncomfortable situations? Just say no. Reiner is a nice enough of a guy that if you make it clear that you’re not interested, he’ll back off. 

But it seems that her “be a good girl” is ingrained much deeper than Ymir gave credit for. 

Tch.

Ymir can’t watch this.

“Yo, Krista!” She yells out, putting her arm around Krista. “Got any painkillers you can lend me? My cramp is really bad this month!”

Krista’s eyes widen in shock and horror. “Oh no! That’s horrible! Yes, please come this way.”

Ymir winks at Reiner’s dumbfounded expression as she takes her leave with Krista.

*

She knows exactly when Bertolt told his feelings to Eren, because Eren’s face is beet red, possibly permanently. And to make things even funnier, Eren has taken to dodging Bertolt and any conversation topic that reminds him of Bertolt.

It boils down to Eren stuttering and stammering any time someone starts talking before he just presses his hands against his ears and run.

“Pfftt… Hahahaha! I never took you for a coward,” Ymir teases as Eren glares at her.

“You wouldn’t get it because you’re unfeeling! I… Bertolt is… W-what am I even supposed to feel? How am I supposed to react? Where did this even come from? Like me? Since when?”

Ymir raises a brow. “C’mon, Eren. You can’t be that blind. He’s liked you since around the time you did that surgery for the bandit group.”

“Huh? T-that can’t be right. That happened like years ago!”

Ymir nods, giving him a meaningful look. That seems to be enough, because he buries his face in his hands, blushing so much that his ears and neck turn red.

“You know… Jokes aside, I would rather you not return his feelings,” Ymir admits. 

“Yeah, I know. We have what? 11? 10 years left? It wouldn’t be fair for him to like me only to lose me so quickly.”

That’s not what Ymir means, but she can’t tell him. Later, much later, she’ll be able to look back to this moment and honestly realize that it was fear. That she was scared of losing Eren. That not only did she fear telling the truth would make him rush to get himself killed in stupid ways, but that he might leave her to join the Marley’s side (because love changes people or whatever silly nonsense), only to be betrayed by that end, too. And that fear prevented her from telling the truth when it could have so easily have changed everything.

“But I think that’s also the reason why we should live while we still can.” Eren turns to Ymir with a small smile. “You too. Reiner said that you like Krista. I think you should go for it.”

Ymir raises a brow. “Thought you found her creepy?”

“It doesn’t matter how I feel. You like her. And she’s clearly more interested in you than Reiner. Even if she doesn’t like you back. I think Kruger is right. We should find ‘love.’ And until the Warriors get here and become our comrades, we should make a family of our own.”

“I think we pretty much have a family of our own. Three annoying siblings, two yapping dogs, a wolf…”

“Who the hell are you describing with such vagueness?”

The two chuckle and settle into a comfortable silence.

“Are you going to accept Bertolt’s feelings?” Ymir asks.

Eren nods. “I don’t know what it means to be ‘in love.’ And I’ll be honest with him about that. Maybe he’ll be okay with it. Maybe he won’t. But absolutely nothing will change if I stand still.”

“There you go again, about ‘changing’ things. I keep telling you, the world isn’t that kind.”

"That’s fine, too.”

Ymir glances at Eren, whose smile turns into a cocky grin.

“I’ll just be kind for the world.”

Then he walks off, signaling the end of the discussion without giving Ymir a chance to come up with something clever to say.

“Cheeky brat,” she grumbles. 

But she can’t stop thinking about it. 

A “family.”

*

The next time she sees Eren and Bertolt, it looks like they got into a fight. Eren is huffing and pouting (face still red), refusing to look at Bertolt. But Bertolt has this derpy happy smile on his face as if he’s on cloud nine as he cheerfully chases after Eren. Bertolt also has a double bloody-nose, and Eren’s neck is red with faint teeth marks.

Without being told of what happened, Ymir thinks she has a pretty good grasp on the situation. So that’s what people meant when they said that the quiet ones are the ones you should watch out for.

“Ymir,” Mikasa says as she grabs Ymir’s shoulder. Annie grabs Ymir’s other shoulder.

“It’s your turn.”

Before Ymir can protest, she finds herself directed to where Krista is. Krista looks at the three of them with just a bit of apprehension before she plasters on a fake smile.

“H-how can I help you?”

Both Mikasa and Annie releases Ymir and runs off. When Ymir turns to stare after them, she sees both of them give her a thumbs up. Just a little beyond, Armin seems to be distracting Reiner with Connie and Sasha. 

Huh? Has their group gotten just a bit bigger?

“Ymir?” Krista asks.

“Don’t mind them. They just get stupidly hyped up over every little thing.”

Krista nods slowly. And… is that a pout on her face? But why?

‘So it’s not because you’re head over heels in love with me and want to marry me?”

Ymir feels a headache starting up. “Which one told you that?”

“They all did,” Krista tells her with a small giggle. “All of you care so deeply for each other… I’m… a bit envious.”

Eren must have rubbed off of Ymir a bit too much for her to just slip up and say her next few words.

“You can join us.”

Krista’s expression falls. She looks like a small child that has seen too much of the world to be able to accept kindness. And Ymir realizes that this is the first time Krista has ever shown herself to Ymir.

“I don’t mean that as in you have to like Reiner or me. I mean that as a friend or a family member. Be part of our group… Join my family.”

But it’s hard to regret saying such cheesy things when Krista’s eyes are so hopeful and bright.

*

It happens during a mountain trek in the rain during their training.

Krista slips on a particularly bad wet spot. Ymir goes to catch her, but it’s Eren who pulls them to safety before he, that dumbass, slips and falls off the side of the mountain. Mikasa moves to jump after him and is thankfully stopped by Annie. Reiner stops Bertolt and Armin both before they do something dumb. And Instructor Keith yells at all of them to shut up and get away from the edge before someone else falls down, too.

“Eren just fell! Don’t stop me!” Mikasa snaps.

“Mikasa,” Ymir tells her. “Eren fell. Out of everyone here, he has the best chance of surviving and making it back. You know that, too.”

“B-but he just… fell… S-shouldn’t you care more?” Krista asks, looking horrified.

Ymir finds herself grinning confidentiality. After all, Eren fell by himself. If someone else had gone down with him, he would’ve had to worry about taking care of them. But if Eren’s alone, he’ll be able to heal himself and move freely without any problems.

“Eren is my comrade, so I know him best. He’ll be fine.”

Armin slowly nods. “T-that’s right! And he’s also Little Doctor. So he’ll be fine!”

“Little Doctor?” Marco echoes.

As Armin starts to explain and tell the story of their days after Shiganshina fell, the rest of them relax with just as much confidence as Ymir.

“‘Little Doctor,’ huh?” the Instructor mumbles.

Ymir gets a bad feeling about that, though.

*

Eren returns within three hours with a nasty scowl on his face, a light limp and a small gash on his arm that he seems to have left so it wouldn’t be suspicious that he’s completely unharmed.

“I fell! None of you came after me!” he yells accusingly.

“We knew you’d be fine,” Ymir tells him with a grin.

“Of course I’ll be fine. But I wanted at least someone to wait for me!”

Ymir rolls her eyes and motions at Bertolt. “Hey, shut him up. You’re good at that.”

She laughs at the blushes on their faces and hopes that this peace can last.

*

“That ‘Krista’ is actually Historia Reiss,” Eren says one night to Ymir.

The two of them are on kitchen duty, so they’re scrubbing the disgusting leftovers off of the plates. Everyone else already left after teasing them for getting the worst jobs.

“Before I fell down the side of the mountain, I guess our hands brushed or whatever. I got some memories from the previous Founding Titan’s holder.”

Ymir isn’t sure how to make of this new information.

“So she’s… what? The princess within these Walls?”

“Illegitimate child. But since my dad killed the rest of her siblings, I imagine she’ll be next in line for the throne,” Eren says. He sighs softly. “That’s probably why she’s like that. Since she wasn’t welcomed anywhere else.”

“Be seen as a good kid before she dies, huh?”

What a sad way to live.

“You should teach her how to be selfish.” 

Eren keeps his voice light, but he doesn’t meet Ymir’s eyes.

“I tried that, and do you know what my student did? He spat my words back at my face and ran off with this giant of a guy-”

“Oh, shut it!”

*

The rumors that the Survey Corps’ Commander Erwin Smith has come to look for Eren reaches Ymir only after Eren is in the room to talk to that man.

Her first thoughts are that of fear and worry. They’ve been found out. She has no idea how, but the military knows. Or maybe this is Rod Reiss chasing after them for the sins of Eren’s dad. There’s nothing to do but to kill everyone here and rescue Eren. That’s the only-

“They were talking about Little Doctor, so I think it might be because of that,” Armin concludes.

How strange. She feels that it’s suddenly easier to breath.

“Hah. Maybe that guy will be allowed to join the Survey Corps without any more training,” Jean remarks. “Damned lucky bastard.”

“I’ve heard that luck is part of your skills,” Marco says lightly.

“If that’s the case, then I guess you have zero skills, eh, Reiner?” Ymir says lightly.

Reiner’s head snaps towards her in disbelief. “E-eh?! Why me?!”

*

Eren has a determined look on his face when they see him afterwards, so Ymir knows what he’s going to be sprouting next.

“Their doctors were killed or are currently in critical from their last mission. Commander Smith wanted me to help out with the injured.”

Mikasa nods. “When do we leave?”

“You guys aren’t coming.” Eren holds his hands up to stop the protests. “If something happens and they return with suspicious words like I’m dead or didn’t want to return, I’m going to need you guys to come save me.”

Ymir blinks. “D-did you just admit that you’ll need help?”

Eren rolls his eyes at her but doesn’t justify that with a comment.

“We’ll hope for the good news while preparing to come rescue you,” Armin says diplomatically.

“I hope I can see you guys soon.”

*

Ymir doesn’t know what Eren told Bertolt, but the guy looks like he’s sitting on pins and needles all the time. He keeps fidgeting and glancing around. And it’s not because she feels bad for him. It’s just because she’s getting tired of his constant hopeful looks towards the door.

That’s all.

“Yo Bertolt, want me to tell you a funny story about Eren?”

*

“You always pretend to be so aloof, but you’re actually quite caring, aren’t you?” Krista asks one day during meals.

Ymir almost swallows her spoon. She’s too busy coughing to demand to know where Krista came up with such a blatant lie.

Krista grins victoriously. “I know your secret now, Ymir.”

“W-what? N-no, you don’t! What the hell? Who’s caring?”

Despite her protests, she can’t help but to like the sound of Krista’s laughter.

Probably because it’s not fake.

*

Eren returns a little over a week with a tired look on his face. With the excuse that he’s overworked, he goes straight to bed.

Armin makes a move to follow him, so Ymir stops him and motions at Bertolt.

“I’m sure he needs a friend more so than a fuck,” Armin says with a forced smile.

“The mouth of this boy… Where did you learn such a horrible word?!” Ymir gasps dramatically. 

Krista, who has more or less settled with them, grins. “Mikasa, did you hear him?”

“He hung out too long with Jean,” Mikasa sighs, shaking her head.

“Maybe we should teach Jean a lesson next time during sparring,” Annie says lightly to Mikasa.

Armin sighs. “Fine. Fine. I get it. Bertolt, I’m going to give you an hour before I get there. So finish your business in that time.”

“I-I’m just going to talk to him!” Bertolt protests with a blush on his face. But he rushes out of the room after Eren anyways.

“As obvious as always, that guy,” Reiner says with a laugh.

“Hm… I can think of someone else just as obvious…” Annie’s words immediately makes Reiner shut his mouth.

Seeing that, they all laugh.

*

“They asked me if I wanted to join the Survey Corps,” Eren admits to Ymir when the two of them are alone.

“I’m surprised you didn’t jump at the chance to go,” Ymir says lightly.

Eren gives her a look. “Who was it that said I shouldn’t join the military?”

“Oh, fat good that did! Look at where we are now!”

The two settle down to return to their previous topic.

“I don’t want to join the Survey Corps as a medic. I… want to be able to fight with everyone else. I want to share the sky with Captain Levi.”

Ymir whistles. “Careful there. Bertolt’s going to get jealous.”

“What I mean is,” Eren emphasis. “That’s my plan for the future. My goals have never changed from when we first met. But you always said you want to be selfish. So if you want-”

“You’re my comrade. My selfishness is that I don’t want to be alone. That’s all there is to it.”

Eren looks away from her, and it takes her a second to realize that he’s crying.

“Are you kidding me right now? The hell are you crying for?”

“S-shut up! I’m crying because I’m happy!”

*

“I’ll tell you. Because it’s you. But you have to promise me… when I reveal my secret, you’ll go back to living by your old name.”

*

It looks like Krista has gotten used to Ymir’s constant chattering about marriage and love, because she now laughs and jokes right on back.

And it’s all just jokes. That’s all that is.

Until it isn’t anymore.

“I was thinking a Spring wedding,” Bertolt tells Krista with a shy dip of the head.

Krista nods, looking quite happy. “What a beautiful idea! We can have the entire venue decorated with flowers!”

“Wouldn’t that be excessive?” Reiner asks, looking torn between wanting to be happy for his friend but also like he wants to cry for whatever reasons.

“Nothing is excessive if it’s for Eren,” Mikasa says seriously.

Annie rolls her eyes. “That’s why people think you have an Eren-complex.”

“It’s because he-”

“‘Saved your life,’ yes, yes. We’ve heard.”

Mikasa pouts at Annie, who allows a small chuckle. 

“I guess the rest of the 104th will be invited,” Armin says. “Who else should we invite?”

Ymir sits down to join them. “To think that we’ll be already planning weddings… Bertolt, congratulations.”

“And you too,” Bertolt tells her back.

… Huh?

“What do you mean, me?”

Everyone turns to look at her like she said something incredibly stupid. It’s a look that they all typically reserve for Eren, so Ymir feels a bit insulted that it’s now being used on her.

“What?” she demands.

“It’s a double wedding,” Armin says slowly.

Ymir really doesn’t like the way they’re treating her like she’s Eren. “So what?”

“A double wedding. Bertolt and Eren for one,” Krista says. Then she points to herself and Ymir. “Me and you in the other.”

“H-huh?!”

It’s only because they’re all so serious about it that she blushes. That’s all. She’s not actually taken by those words. She’s not actually-

“So that’s what it takes to break your composure,” Eren says as he joins them at the table. He grins. “I’ll keep that in mind!”

“Erase it! All of you, erase it right now from your memories!”

Later, much later, she’ll be much better at handling these types of moments enough to make even Eren groan. But at this moment in time, she has yet to unlock that skill.

*

Ymir thinks she fell into the trap of the peaceful happiness. And maybe the rest of them all did, too.

Why did she ever believe that things will end with a wedding and their “family” being happy? Three of them are Warriors from across the ocean, sent here to steal the Founding Titan. She should’ve known that things were helpless the minute she uncovered that truth.

She should’ve known.

The Colossal Titan’s head can be seen over the Walls, just a bit. But it’s enough for all of them to see. It’s enough for all of them to fear. And that loud sound of destruction earlier… Was that just because of the Colossal’s appearance? Or did he do something more? 

Typically, Ymir could care less about things like this. Typically, she’d just roll her eyes and make sure that her own stays safe.

But Eren has Wall duty today.

Her own is in the direct line of fire.

“Ymir!” Krista yells. She must have come to the same conclusion, because she hesitantly holds Ymir’s hand. “I-I’m sure he’s-”

They all see it. The Colossal disappearing, almost like he was never there to begin with.

Ymir is sorely tempted to give chase but is stopped by the Instructors’ yells for everyone to gather. No, that’s not true. She isn’t stopped by a stranger’s remark. She is stopped by Krista’s shaking hands in her own.

“Eren will be fine,” she finds herself saying.

Krista looks guiltily at her. “I’m supposed to cheer you up.”

“This,” Ymir says, lifting their joined hands, “is doing just that.”

*

The official report is that Eren talked the Colossal Titan down before he did anything more than destroy the canons on top of the Walls.

And really, Ymir should have expected something like this. Of course, the only one who can talk the Colossal Titan down is the person who is dating him. 

The report after that is vague and confused. None of the others who were there on that Wall with Eren can give Ymir a coherent response as to exactly what Eren said to the Colossal Titan to calm him down.

Ymir imagines it was something raunchy. Jeesh, these boys. They should know better than to air their bedroom talk for the rest of the world to hear. Look, everyone looks so lost now.

“Oh, Eren! There you are! Done reporting in?” she calls out. 

She finally releases Krista’s hand so she can talk to Eren alone.

But the Eren who turns to face her is not the laughing brat of this morning. Eren looks… cold? No, nothing quite that simple. It looks more like a lid. Like he has forcibly pushed every single one of his feelings deep down into his heart so that there’s nothing but this empty shell left to face Ymir.

“H-hey? Eren?”

“How long have you known?” 

Ymir’s brows furrow. “Known what?”

“That Reiner, Bertolt, and Annie are the ones we’ve been waiting for. For how long have you been hiding that from me?”

Is it bad that the only thing Ymir can think is how did Eren find out? She doesn’t feel any guilt over the decision she made. She doesn’t feel regret. She more certainly wants to know exactly how he managed to put it together. He’s always been so stupid to see the signs. So what finally clicked it into place?

“For a long while, actually. They’re not exactly good at being covert. If you were watching them, you would’ve known.”

Eren goes quiet. He’s probably trying to sort out his thoughts for the next questions, so she braces herself.

She doesn’t expect for him to cover his face and sigh.

“I should’ve realized…” he mumbles.

Yeah, you really should’ve. The three Warriors were pretty obvious about who they were. Didn’t Eren find it odd that they’re so good at any of the training they’re given?

“You’ve only said so a thousand times. You’re going to put yourself first. I should’ve realized that that meant I’ll be left behind.”

… Huh? 

“W-wait, Eren. I think you’re misunderstanding-”

“Did you or did you not keep their identities a secret because you thought I’d rush to reclaim my old home?”

Ymir shuts her mouth with a clack. 

Eren nods. “Yeah. I thought so. You didn’t even consider my thoughts or feelings. You just decided on this by yourself to keep yourself safe. Just like you said you would. Haha…”

“Look, I… I know what I did wasn’t all that great. But if I hadn’t, we wouldn’t have been able to become a family like you wanted. So-” 

She can’t finish her words. The anger directed at her in Eren’s eyes are unlike anything she’s felt. It’s nothing like the angry words people threw at her when they called her a heretic. It’s nothing like the pouty glares Eren used to throw at her whenever they disagreed about their ideologies.

This is an anger that Ymir doesn’t know how to face.

“I see. So it was my fault. Because I kept saying something so ridiculous like wanting to be a family, wanting to be kind, wanting to give Kruger’s words a try and love… Haha! It’s strange. Everything feels like it just snapped into place. My head feels so clear even though I’m about to boil over with rage. You were right, Ymir. You were always fucking right.”

Ymir finds herself taking an uncertain step away from Eren.

“This world is shit. There’s nothing you can do to change it. I was just being… ‘boring and conventional.’”

Eren turns to leave, and Ymir cannot bring herself to chase after him. 

*

“What do you mean Eren’s missing?” Ymir asks dumbfoundedly.

Both Mikasa and Armin look uncomfortable.

“The others who were on the Wall with him came back fine,” Mikasa says with a frown. “But no one’s seen Eren since they reported in.”

“I-I’m sure he’s fine. He’s… he’s always fine,” Armin stammers.

If the last time Eren was seen was when he gave his report, then that means Ymir is the last person to have seen him. Then in that unstable state of mind, Eren…

She turns and begins to run.

“Ymir?” Mikasa and Armin asks. 

*

She surprises herself by the sheer amount of force she puts in that punch. Bertolt holds his nose in shock as he stares at her from the ground where he fell when she punched him. Reiner and Annie are frozen as they glance uneasily between Ymir and Bertolt. Faintly, she hears Armin and Mikasa direct everyone away so that they can have a relatively private moment.

“What the hell did you do to him?” she demands.

“E-excuse me?” Bertolt asks, baffled.

“Eren! What the hell did you do to him? You took him, didn’t you? All three of you! I should never have trusted any of you near him!”

“W-whoa! What are you talking about?” Reiner asks her, daring to look clueless.

“I know what you three are. Marley’s dogs that were sent to steal Eren away.”

“Ymir… what the hell do you know about Marley?” Annie’s eyes are wide in disbelief.

Fine. They’re going to pretend to be dumb? Then Ymir will be cruel.

She touches her chest with her open palm and grins. “I’m the Titan that ate Marcel. And Eren? He's the Founding Titan that you've been desperately trying to find.”

The shift in their demeanor is immediate. All three reflect anger that soon mixes with… guilt? Huh? Guilt and confusion and betrayal? Why the hell are they feeling like that when they’re the ones that stole Eren away?

“Okay,” Armin says, clapping his hand once to get their attention. “Let’s start this again from the beginning. What the hell’s going on?”

*

“Eren said that he would tell me where the Founding Titan is if I retreated. So I did. He tried to follow me, though. But I think I lost him in the fog of my Titan,” Bertolt concludes at the end of their information sharing session.

Ymir frowns. “So you never told him to his face that you were one of the Warriors?”

Bertolt shakes his head.

“Then how did he figure it out form just that? He’s not that bright-”

Armin clears his throat. “He probably realized it from the way you fly. Eren’s one of the top ten, and there’s only a number of people who can outfly him in that condition.”

Ah. Ymir didn’t even consider that.

“So you guys don’t have Eren?” Mikasa asks the three, just to make sure.

“We haven’t seen him,” Reiner assures them. Then after a bit of pause, he asks, “Ymir, you… Did you know about us the entire time?”

“Yeah. You guys were really obvious as hell. If you’re going to be undercover, at least be more careful. Not everyone in the world is as dumb as Eren.”

“To think… Eren was the Founding Titan the entire time…” Bertolt mumbles, burying his face in his hands.

Annie sighs. “So now what? We shared who we are to each other, so you guys know exactly what’s riding on our mission succeeding. But our mission succeeding means that everyone within the Walls will be annihilated by the Marley.”

“On top of that, Eren’s missing,” Reiner adds.

“W-what if we… j-just talked it out? Maybe we can come to a decision on how to work together between Marley and us!” Armin suggests.

Ymir snorts. “Yeah, that’s not going to happen. That requires not only the Marleys to see us as equals and for the rest of the people within these Walls to pull their collective sticks out of their asses.”

“We can run. Let them fight to the death. We’ll just go somewhere safe and hide,” Mikasa says.

“They’ll chase us,” Annie refutes. “The Titan powers are too useful to the Marley. And the people within these Walls know too little. No matter what we decide to do, a lot of people are going to die.”

“None of this matters anyways, since Eren’s gone,” Reiner reminds them.

Bertolt makes a small sound. “W-wait. When he helped out with the Survey Corps, they asked him if he wants to join. And from the beginning, Eren’s goal was to reclaim Shiganshina. So what if he went back to that? What if he’s waiting for us in the Survey Corps?”

“There’s no way that he’s waiting for us,” Ymir snaps. “He’s beyond pissed about everything, especially me.”

“But we won’t be able to solve anything if you don’t see him again,” Bertolt says.

There’s a look in his eyes that reminds Ymir of Eren. That’s right. From the beginning, Bertolt was the one who latched onto Eren’s ideology the strongest.

“We’ll worry about the plans and genocide later. But first, let’s focus on getting Eren back. Let’s… let’s put our family back together first. Then we’ll work together for a better future. As long as we’re alive, we still have a chance to change the world.”

It’s too naive.

There’s no way that things will be that simple, that easy. Eren was super pissed. And he’s stubborn. So damned stubborn that once he makes up his mind, he won’t change it that easily. Not to mention there’s still the looming threat of Marley to consider. There’s just too much shit in this world for there to be any hope!

“From what I’ve overheard, it seems that Bertolt’s right.” Krista grins at them. “You guys need to not talk about sensitive information in such a public area.”

“K-Krista, this isn’t what it looks like!”

Krista clicks her tongue and wags a finger at them. “I’m not stupid. I’ve always figured you guys were all hiding something. I just didn’t think it’ll be… this.”

Ymir closes her mouth, any excuse dying on her tongue before she can consider using them. 

“You once asked me to take on my real name once you reveal the truth, Ymir. Do you remember our promise?”

Numbly, she nods.

Krista seems to understand how shocked Ymir feels, because her smile is kind.

“My name is Historia Reiss. I’m an illegitimate child of the King within these Walls. I don’t know what kind of power my name and title will have. But I’m willing to offer that to you to use to help not just find Eren, but also to figure out how to resolve our situation afterwards. Will you accept me?”

“Krist… Historia,” Ymir says, “It’s possible that doing so will put you in great danger. Something so horrible that none of us can protect you from. Knowing that, do you still want to help us?”

Historia grins. “Why wouldn’t I want to help my family?”

And Ymir always believed so firmly that there was no hope. That this world is shit, so there's no need to be anything but selfish. But isn't that hope right there? 

Tucked in Historia's grin, in Historia's eyes, in Historia's voice.

That's hope.

And maybe, just maybe, that means there's still time for Ymir to reach Eren.

*

Mikasa sighs. “Eren always goes off on his own.”

“Yeah. He has no regards to how we feel about it,” Armin complains.

The two glance at Ymir and grin. And despite herself, Ymir grins back.

“We’ll bring him back,” Bertolt promises them. He’s so serious when they’re finally starting to smile again.

“On our honor as Warriors, we’ll keep our family safe,” Annie adds.

Reiner laughs. “Besides, we haven’t had that wedding for you four yet! Until then, none of us are allowed to disappear!”

“I’m looking forward to seeing you in a wedding dress, Ymir,” Historia teases.

Ymir laughs as she takes Historia’s hand. “Not as much as I’m looking forward to tearing yours off.”

*

Later, much later, the rest of the 104th Squad will pause when they finally hear the full story of everything that happened at the double wedding. Then, rightfully so, they will all be full of complaints for not being involved.

“Because don’t you know? Being a squad pretty much means that we’re family!” Marco will say.

Ymir will deny this to her dying days. But she will tear up at their warmth.

Later, much much later, Gabi will quirk a brow and ask, “Wait, so how did you and Auntie Historia get together?”

And at the urging of the curious brats of Liberio, Ymir will laugh and begin the tale of a lonely goddess who selfishly wished for a comrade.

_Fin._

**Author's Note:**

> Ymir opens her mouth and then wordlessly closes it.
> 
> “Okay, I know how this looks,” Eren says, holding his hands up in front of himself as if to deflect their disbelieving stares. “But uh… Apparently, this is my brother Zeke. And uh… when we’re in contact, we can uh… command the Pure Titans.”
> 
> “I see,” Ymir says, nodding. “Yeah. Sure. That makes perfect sense. Crazier things have happened around you. Why the hell not?”
> 
> Historia grabs Eren by the shoulders. “Put the Wall Titans back into the Walls. Reiner, Bertolt, and Annie will be fine since they’re Titans, too. But Mikasa and Armin are not. Not to mention majority of the 104th Squad joined the Survey Corps, and they're all currently fighting those giant things! And… and you’re surely not going to sacrifice your precious Captain Levi, are you?”
> 
> “O-of course not! I’m going to put them back! It’s just… Don’t you think this is kinda cool?”
> 
> “Eren!”
> 
> “R-right! I’m on it!”


End file.
